MY MOM

November 26th was my mom’s birthday. If she would have lived, she would have turned 56 yrs. She passed away 3 years back.

She was the best mom in this world. But I think I was unlucky to feel that love and care she was always offering me. She has suffered a lot in her life. But I have never seen her complaining about anything. She was happy with whatever she had.

She was a mentally challenged patient. She was not a normal person. By looking at her, one could easily make out that she is not a normal person. May be because of this she never demanded anything nor complained about anything, as she did not know herself what she wants out of her life.

The major reason for her illness was the sudden death of my elder brother. My dad and mom had a baby boy within a year of their marriage. He was very cute, active and very healthy. Everyone was very fond of him as he was more active than any other child. My mom was very much attached to him. But I think god did not like her happiness. One sad day, my brother got ill, with continuous vomiting and dysentery. They gave him some household medicine, but no improvement happened. Next day, he suddenly passed away. Everyone was in shock and most importantly my mom was in a great shock and could not believe that her only son is no more in this world. This was her first shock in her life. But she didn’t express anything and kept all the pain in her heart. I think this was her mistake, if at all she would have expressed all those pains, she would have not suffered whole life. However, she was normal for the outer world.

After two years of this incident, my sister was born. She was also very cute and good looking. My mom on seeing her forgot all the past incidents and was very happy to see her. But here also, god betrayed her. My granny (dad’s mom) took 4 year old baby with her saying that my mom is not fit to be a mother and she does not want to loose this child also. This was her second shock. But she was helpless and was not so strong to oppose granny and more than that, my dad did not supported her. She cried, cried and cried. But no one bothered to wipe her tears. She was all alone in the world. However, there was no option for her, but to lead her life without her daughter.

After two years of this incident, I was born. I was also taken away by my aunt (my dad’s elder sister) for the same above reason. This time my mom could not control herself. She started acting weirdly. She started shouting on everyone and starting throwing all the things around her. She was infact uncontrollable. This was the time when my family thought to give her medical treatment. She was immediately admitted to NIMHANS, Bangalore (National Institute for Mental Health and Neuro Science). In the meanwhile, my dad immediately rushed to my aunt’s place and took back me and informed them that he cannot afford to lose his wife at any cost.

As I remembered, she was their in the Mental hospital for around 5 years. I spent most of my childhood in hospital taking care of her. I have seen mother’s who used to take care of their children, but I was not so lucky to have it. But I don’t have regrets, but I am happy as no one will get such an opportunity to serve their parents at an early age. I can say I was lucky to do that. Once she discharged from the hospital, she was normal, but she was on medicine and injection till her death. She was supposed to take the injection on 5th of every month. If she is not given the injection on that day, she was having side effects and would return to the old state. She will talk to herself and sometimes she was staring the wall continuously. So many times, she used to shout on me. But once the injection is given she was normal and was doing all her household work. But one thing was sure, if atleast one person from family would have tried to analyze her situation, I think she would have not suffered so much in her life. Anyway, she was telling me always, that you will also leave me one day and I will be left all alone. But I always was assuring her that I will never leave her at any cost.

But I was wrong. What made me to leave her? Was I too selfish on my part to do that or was I scared of something or someone? I will write in another post as I am not able to control my emotions.